We just got back from a trip to Oregon to visit our families and friends. The trip was a lot of fun, if a little whirl-windy, and we managed to see just about everyone. Most people wanted to know what our plans were, with Ashley being in medical school and all.

Ashley and I have talked a lot about what the next year is going to look like for us. Ashley is taking this fall off to be at home with Edith, and she’ll start back part time in the spring. This time next year, she’ll be a full time med student again. Since most of my work is done at home, my schedule is going to be a little more fluid. I’m going to try to work as much as I can this fall to get my business at a steady level. In the spring, I’ll have to adjust my hours down a little bit, and come next fall, I don’t know how things will look. It all depends on how all of us feel.

Anyway, the thing is I noticed a weird reaction in myself as I would explain this to people. I’m really excited about being a stay at home dad. I’m going to love it. But some part of me feels a little guilty about it. As much as I try to celebrate gender equality, I grew up with the mentality that a man should do everything he can to provide for his family. So maybe it’s because we don’t have a lot of money to begin with, and I feel like I should be working more anyway.

There was a way I wasn’t comfortable telling people that I’m going to be a stay at home dad. Stay at home moms have done a great job informing people of the importance of their work. But as a dad, I felt like I needed to be doing more. I was really glad that I have my web work that I could tell people I would continue doing. And it shouldn’t matter. There’s a good chance I’ll be too busy when Ashley’s back in school full time. What I don’t like is that I’m somehow pressuring myself already to do more, to be a super dad. But I don’t want to miss Edie’s first years out of guilt or some perceived male responsibility.

So that’s my work for the fall. I’m celebrating and anticipating being a stay at home dad.