Several people have asked me what it’s like for me, particularly when the topic of breastfeeding comes up. I think Edie is just now coming to the age where she’s starting to comfort nurse, but until now (at least from my observations) it’s been mainly about filling her little belly. And at times, I’ve really wished that I could breastfeed, but just in order to take care of her needs, the same as laying down with her to help her sleep or holding her if she’s crying. Plus, after watching Ashley deal with the initial discomfort of breastfeeding, I’m very appreciative towards her that I’m not the one who had to get it figured out.

Ashley turned me on to Totally Smitten Mama, a thoughtful and playful mama blog. She had a really great post recently called Not-the-Mama, where she talks about her experience as a non-gestational parent (NGP). She talks about it with a lot of perspective, having been the gestational parent for her first three boys. The part that really struck a cord with me, the part that I truly identified with was when she wrote:

[F]or every Not-the-Mama! moment, there is an equal and opposite moment–a hug or a love-filled grin from the baby–that feels somehow more special for the fact that our relationship is lacking in biological connection. Because I am his mother not because I gestated him or birthed him, but simply because I’ve mothered him. I’ve had to work to deserve the title of Leo’s mom. And I’ve earned it.

When Edie smiles at me, gets really excited when I walk into the room, or reaches for me when I go to pick her up, I know it’s because she takes comfort in me, my familiarity, and my safety. I may get a little more jealous as she gets more into the connection of breastfeeding, but for now I know I provide Edie with so many things, and I feel it every time she smiles at me.