Practical & Conscientious Parenting
Thoughts
The Non Gestational Parent
15 years
Several people have asked me what it’s like for me, particularly when the topic of breastfeeding comes up. I think Edie is just now coming to the age where she’s starting to comfort nurse, but until now (at least from my observations) it’s been mainly about filling her little belly. And at times, I’ve really wished that I could breastfeed, but just in order to take care of her needs, the same as laying down with her to help her sleep or holding her if she’s crying. Plus, after watching Ashley deal with the initial discomfort of breastfeeding, I’m very appreciative towards her that I’m not the one who had to get it figured out.
Ashley turned me on to Totally Smitten Mama, a thoughtful and playful mama blog. She had a really great post recently called Not-the-Mama, where she talks about her experience as a non-gestational parent (NGP). She talks about it with a lot of perspective, having been the gestational parent for her first three boys. The part that really struck a cord with me, the part that I truly identified with was when she wrote:
[F]or every Not-the-Mama! moment, there is an equal and opposite moment–a hug or a love-filled grin from the baby–that feels somehow more special for the fact that our relationship is lacking in biological connection. Because I am his mother not because I gestated him or birthed him, but simply because I’ve mothered him. I’ve had to work to deserve the title of Leo’s mom. And I’ve earned it.
When Edie smiles at me, gets really excited when I walk into the room, or reaches for me when I go to pick her up, I know it’s because she takes comfort in me, my familiarity, and my safety. I may get a little more jealous as she gets more into the connection of breastfeeding, but for now I know I provide Edie with so many things, and I feel it every time she smiles at me.
Fairies and other tiny animals
15 years
Yesterday was “Dress up like your favorite book character” day at Mehalia’s school, in honor of Dr. Suess’s birthday. Unfortunately she was home with headlice, but she had her costume all picked out and wore it for the day anyway. (The wings are of course now quarantined for two weeks in a plastic bag with the headband and necklace, next to another bag with all her stuffed animal friends that sleep with her.) Her character is Bella the Bunny Fairy, with her bunny Misty. I’m hoping she’ll wear it again for the Procession of the Species parade on Earth Day. 
Baby Led Weaning
15 years
Today, we set aside our worries about messy eating in favor of ‘baby led weaning.’ I had never heard of the term when Ashley brought it up last night, but it’s a simple enough concept: let your little one discover food.
We have been trying food with Edie for about a month and a half now, and although she readily goes for the spoon of food, she usually recoils after the food gets in her mouth (Exhibit A). We’ve tried sweet potato, avocado, brown rice, rice cereal, banana (that illicited the funniest response – you would’ve sworn we fed her a lemon!), apples, pears and peas. Our usually method was:
- Cook and/or mash up the food, with or without mixing in some breast milk
- Dip a spoon in
- Either move quickly enough to get it in her mouth before being intercepted by her hands, or hand her the spoon and hope she decided to put it in her mouth
I haven’t been too worried about it, but our pediatrician mentioned that iron becomes important around 6 months old (a subject I’m planning on investigating). Mainly, we’ve just been trying out food because she has shown so much interest in our food over the past couple of months.
Last night, Ashley started reading about baby led weaning, and after reading and talking more about it, we decided that it made sense and felt right to do with Edie. Edie has given us a lot of feedback that she doesn’t like being – I’m trying to think of a good way of putting this – manipulated. Ever since she’s had good control over her limbs, she’s resisted getting dressed, and I think we were getting similar feedback from spoon feeding her. We have some teething biscuits that are the only food she’s really gone for so far, but she’ll only suck on them if she can hold them. When I try to put it up to her mouth, she draws back to look at it and take it from my hand. Our main concern with letting her have it herself is that she’ll break off a chunk and choke on it. But when she has bitten off chunks, she always spits them out, and she has such a strong gag reflex that I don’t think we need more than the normal amount of parental vigilance while she’s eating.
So today we let her go for it on her own (with both of us watching carefully for any signs of choking, of course). Ashley cut up a chunk of pear, and put in front of Edie along with part of a teething biscuit. She picked up the pear, felt it a little bit, and took it right to her mouth. She still put a sour face on, as usual, but she tried it a few more times. And the teething biscuit went well, also.
The clean-up wasn’t too bad, although I did have to spend a bit of time getting teething biscuits out of Edie’s hair. She’s taken to holding things up to her ears a lot lately, like she’s listening to a shell, or (as I like to joke) like she’s receiving transmissions from space (and I hope I don’t regret saying that, because I’m well aware of the potential problems that it could indicate), and the food was no exception. And teething biscuits turn into plaster after they’ve been mixed with saliva and dried.
I’m curious to see how this goes, and I have a good feeling about it. It’s one of those techniques or experiences that, as a parent, just feels right and makes good common sense.
Baby Telekinesis
I’ve always harbored the feeling that if I really concentrate, focus and practice, that I could move things with my mind. Ever since I was young. It’s something that I know is a little silly, but part of me always holds out for it. And when I hear that yogis can do it, my western science mind gives in just a little bit.
But as a father, I’m observing and learning all the time. Someone told me once that our kids are our best teachers, and I wouldn’t argue yet. While I was watching Edie play at the table the other day, gradually dropping every toy to the floor, it hit me: this is where my belief in telekinesis comes from. All Edie has to do is want something, reach towards it, and possibly make a little noise, and – VOOM! – it’s in her hands. I’m slowly training her to believe on a visceral level in telekinesis. And I still can’t shake the feeling that maybe it’ll work for me, too.